I need you, whoever you are...

Today I've tried to push away all the bad thoughts, don't visit Facebook and complain about people having an awesome time and other ignoring my comments, don't visit Twitter to envy all the lucky people in Hollywood and so on. I failed. Big time, haha! But anway, this day was a lot better than yesterday. I met up with Matilda today in Malmö, felt awesome. She's wonderful! She's in my musical class and it felt nice to have someone to nerd talk about all the new Broadway gossip LOL. We ate some ice cream and watched a free ticket concert with my parents, it was very nice. A lot better than just being at home.

I seriously don't know how to get out of this mess. I don't really know what's holding me back you know. I guess the thing that would make me ridiculously happy is to have a little group of people, a little gang around me all the time. You know, I don't need have to have a lot of friends, just a few that I can always rely on and trust. A group of people that will invite and support each other with everything. When I watch Friends on TV I always get to jealous, sure, their friendship is not perfect but at least they have each other. Ooohhh, I sound to depressed I'm sorry you guys, I'm not usually like this. I'm always happy as hell but I don't know anymore, something has happened.

You know what I really would want also? A BOYFRIEND!! Omg, I really need a boyfriend. Well, ok not just a guy to call my boyfriend, but you know, a bestfriend that I can call up in the middle of the night if somethings wrong. I want to have someone to watch horrible movies with on the weekeds, I want to have someone to wake up to next to me and most important, I want to have someone that truly cares about me and that I can call mine. I wonder when I will meet him, he seems so near but still I have no idea who he is. So you know, if there's somebody out there that has a crush on me (that I hardly doubt, haha) PLEASE PLEASE please call me or whatever. I'm waiting for you.

Ok, this was probably the most silliest blog post, ever. Haha!

Once again trying to wake up this dead blog

But this time, I think it's for real. I'll see this as my diary since I'm going to through a pretty rough time right now. And no, I don't have suicide thoughts or anything like that. I'm just so ridiculously lonely... ALL THE TIME. And the worst thing, nobody seems to take notice of it. That sucks, like, real hard.

I still have no idea why I write in English...

Ok, So I'll tell you why I feel like this. I've come to this point in my life where I put everything in to my school and education, seriously everything. Not to mention those last weeks before the summer break. We were rehearsing for the big summershow in school and I didn't have time to do anything else and that explains the total emptiness I feel now when the school has ended. I have nothing left, I'm just a lazy wreck watching crappy downloaded movies with a lot of ice-cream, crying and wondering when my teenage life will begin. When I started school in Lund, I gave up everything in my small hometown, including friends. And now that they have moved on and met new friends, I have nobody. And I'm not just saying this because I'm depressed, ok also because of that but it's actually true. I texted almost all of my old friends and everybody had something else planned and nobody asked me to join, that sucks, like real hard.

I've always known that I'm obsessed to have people around me, I'm a typical herd animal. And I've always been lucky enough to have some many amazing people around me. I'm not saying that they're less amazing now but the thing is, they're not my best friends anymore, they're just my...friends that I meet like once a month, you know, we hug each other and asks how the other one are doing these days. Nothing more. Suckssuckssucks. I suck.

More depressed and spontaneous submissions are yet to come. Be aware. I haven't told people about the blog yet, I better not. Hahah.